Disgaea Bites!
by DokturProfesur
Summary: A collection of absolutely silly standalone shorts inspired by various post-game events in the Disgaea mythos. For our first short, Baal prepares for his new job as a Valvatorez's combat instructor! Quality and mileage may vary, but hopefully fun will be had! My first attempt at anything Disgaea related.


**Warning!** What follows is a collection of absolutely silly stories inspired by the Disgaea mythos! If outrageous circumstances and questionable quality aren't your thing, you may want to reconsider the following text!

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 _The Lord of Terror Can't Possibly Be Our Combat Instructor!_

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From the Netherworld to Celestia, word had spread far and wide of Tyrant Overlord Baal's latest defeat at the hands of a bunch of kids, however what made this different from all the other times was that word had also gotten out that the vampire Valvatorez had invited the Lord of Terror to teach his minions the art of brutal murder and otherwise intense mutilation. The ensuing hoopla meant that everyone who thought they mattered had enrolled in Baal's combat class. He had enough work to last at least a century.

Baal was diving into the academic world with confidence though. He was armed with over a millennium of experience in the art of battle, as well as general despotism and the finer points of economics. To better aid his new employee, Valvatorez had been kind enough to lend Baal a spacious dungeon for the purposes of instruction, and the Tyrant had spent days cooped within trying to work out this whole teaching thing, given ample time to prepare by the vampire.

Baal was ultimately thankful for this, as it allowed him to research this whole transfer of knowledge ritual people called "teaching". After a run through Hades looking for a library, Baal had discovered that the art of education was a sacred one, according to the books he'd purchased on the subject. It was something to be treated with the utmost tact and flexibility in order to maximize throughput. He had no idea what this meant, but the gist was "do good and they won't forget." He had come to the conclusion that it might be a good idea to try making some kind of plan; a schedule to live by so that lessons could proceed smoothly.

It sounded great in his head, but in practice...

The more he thought about it, the more the overlord of overlords realized that he had no idea how to plan an effective curriculum, and so placed an ad in news outlets across the vast nethers to find someone with teaching experience to aid him in his endeavors. Much to the Tyrant's dismay, no one came for quite some time. He cursed himself for taking only minimal ad-space, he should have bought a page instead.

A curt knock on the door pulled Baal from his musings.

With a mighty grunt the azure ogre stomped over to the ornate double doors that made the entrance to his designated lair. He tried peeking though the convenient peephole to see who was on the other side, but nobody was there. Thinking it was a prankster, the overlord turned to return to his work, when another curt rapping sounded from the other side of the doors. This time Baal opened the door, and still nobody was there. He peered down the halls, and nothing was there. His aura flared in ire as he leaned back to slam the doors.

Before he got the chance, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Baal peered out again, looking for whoever made that noise.

"Down here," the girlish voice said, clearly trying not to sound too miffed.

Baal blinked, casting his gaze downward and locking eyes with what must have been the most adorable little demoness he'd ever laid his eyes on. Everything about her was just so... cute... and pink! Even her little black dress had to be cute, what with its outrageously large zipper and-

The Lord of Terror nearly had a stroke when he saw that little tail poking out from under her skirt. He clutched his heart, his claws digging into his stone skin as he beheld what was the unholy amalgam of all things soft and adorable.

It was the closest he'd ever come to dying outside of combat.

The girl quirked a brow at the ogre, but tried to stay on track. "My name's Raspberyl, I noticed you put an ad in the paper about needing someone with teaching experience," she smiled and placed a hand under her chin, beaming with confidence. "Well you'll be happy to know that I've had plenty of experience teaching!" Her little pink wings flapped excitedly, and Baal made a mental note to get some blood pressure pills later.

However, this Raspberyl's arrival was a most fortuitous turn of events! Maybe now Baal can get a curriculum set up and start teaching everyone in the art of terror! With a neutral expression that belied his enthusiasm, the azure ogre ushered his tutor into his classroom, eager to hear what she had to say.

Which didn't take long.

"So you're a combat instructor?" Beryl asked, looking over the classroom's lava pit. "I gotta admit, this is a great place to teach it. Plenty of space, threat of a burning demise, it just screams a hardcore regiment!" Beryl flapped her wings again as she thought of the possibilities, and Baal was forced to sit down. "So the first part of teaching is getting together a proper ensemble! So why don't we go out and get you a few suits?"

Baal stared blankly at Beryl, wondering what was wrong with his current attire. It matched his skin, he'd been rocking the cloak for as long as he could remember. Even his pen-pal thought he looked like a proper tyrant- and then it hit him. Baal did not need to be a tyrant right now, he needed to be a teacher, and a good one at that! With an eager nod Baal summoned a portal and followed the little pink demoness into the nether, seeking the best place to get a teaching ensemble worthy of the Lord of Terror.

As it turns out, all it took was a trip to the Nether Institute Evil Academy. After hopping several netherworlds, the odd pair realized that Baal needed a special suit to fit his stature. Beryl knew that the sewing club would be more than happy to make a suit for overlord Baal! As it turns out, they really weren't, but Baal had a way with words. One annoyed stare later and they were already taking his measurements.

"Oh here! A wine color would offset your blue skin perfectly!" Beryl chirped, placing a sample cloth against Baal's forearm. The Lord of Terror nodded, rolling with everything Beryl said, even if it was questionable. He wasn't a teacher, how would he know? "See if we do a black undershirt instead of a white one it'll hide any stains and it'll also compliment this matching tie!" Baal nodded once more, taking this fashion advice to heart. Maybe he'd drop the armor and cape and go overlording in a suit full-time. "Oh look at this tie! It's just red here but when you turn it over it's got a bunch of little stars and galaxies! Oh you have to wear this!"

Baal never knew teaching was so fashion intensive.

"Here, Baal, try these on."

The Lord of Terror was pulled from his fashion musings by Raspberyl, who was offering him a set of spectacles. Confused, he took the things from the tiny demoness and inspected them briefly. He gave Beryl a quizzical look. His eyes were fine, why would he need a set?

"Every teacher has a set of glasses!" Raspberyl explained, resting her tiny hands on her equally tiny hips. "Even though it's just regular glass in there, it'll make you look like a proper teacher! With those we can get a curriculum going!"

Baal returned his gaze to the glasses. Such tiny things, yet so important as they granted sight beyond sight. The overlord of overlords felt a welling sensation inside of him as he finally slipped them on, seeing the world in a whole new light. Everything was muddier and out of focus, but that must have meant they were working.

Raspberyl meanwhile failed to suppress a snort. "I might have to get you a different pair, those make you look like a creepy grandpa."

Baal grunted in annoyance when Beryl floated up and snatched his seeing specs, still trying to hide a giggle from him. He was being mocked, he knew it. He'd remember this transgression the next time they met.

Three suits and a new pair of glasses later, Raspberyl and Baal had returned to the future classroom. Immediately upon arrival Beryl ran over to the white-board Valvatorez had left for Baal's purposes and started writing something on it. The lord of terror scratched his cheek at all the flourish the little demoness was putting into it.

"I've been struck by inspiration!" Raspberyl explained as she drew on the whiteboard with both hands, each using a different color. "We gotta come up with a cool name for your class! Something to really wow the students, you know! Show them that you care about this class and their success!"

The azure ogre nodded, but he had to wonder why he wasn't the one doing this if he was trying to show how much he cared. Yet, this is exactly why he hired Beryl to begin with.

Beryl's finished work looked great, but it was primarily pink and had a lot of flowers. Baal found himself shrugging in indifference as he read the name for his new class. It was simple, tasteful, and worthy of his simple philosophy: "Aspiring Tyrant's Combat Course". The juxtaposition between the composition and the actual words hit Baal like one of Laharl's meteors.

With Beryl's help, Baal managed to hammer out a plan of attack with relative ease, and by that we mean that he just watched while Beryl did all the work again. Baal could appreciate what she had in mind, and was eager to enforce her ruling. However, there was one thing left to deal with.

"You want to make _me_ your assistant?!"

The overlord of overlords nodded at the girl, dropping to a knee and offering his hand. She had helped him get this far, he wouldn't mind her helping him through the rest. It'd be nice to have someone around who knew what she was doing.

The little demoness cupped her cheeks, looking absolutely flustered. "Oh Kyoko and Asuka are going to be so jealous! I'll have to get my old uniform, get my glasses, my portfolio and certificates- YES!" she finally cried. "Yes I'd love to be your teaching assistant!" She snatched one of Baal's fingers in both hands and shook it vigorously, earning an amused huff from the overlord.

And so, Baal gave Valvatorez the go ahead. Class was to start the following morning. A little too short notice for Baal, but he'd make it work. He was confident he could tackle it all with Beryl at his side. When the little demoness herself found out, she was apoplectic.

"What do you mean tomorrow!" Beryl howled from her end of the scrying orb, her face pressed against the glass. "I can't get ready in that amount of time! I still need to get all my documents together, get my homework-" as she rattled on, Baal tried to express how he needed her by his side to keep the class under control. "Look, I know we've been through a lot together in that one afternoon, we even went shopping together and got ice cream, but I can't just drop everything I'm doing for you!"

Baal furrowed his brow, pressing Raspberyl further. His lips twitched slightly when he heard a defeated groan.

"Fine! Fine! You win you big baby!" she said, waving her hand in the air. "I'll work something out. But you owe me, got it?" Baal nodded, dismissing the image of Beryl and adjusted his tie. He'd wait here overnight, he would be ready.

The azure ogre slept peacefully that night, fueled by dreams of success and emboldened by the knowledge that his adorable assistant would be there to back him up if things went south. Baal was ready for anything Valvatorez's group could throw at him!

Yet, when morning came Baal found himself repeatedly dabbing his forehead with a cold cloth. His nerves were already acting up, much to his dismay. He couldn't get cold feet now, not with his first year of students due to arrive any minute. He glanced aside, to an empty seat he had dug up and placed behind his desk for his assistant. She wasn't here yet, which made Baal even more nervous.

The door to his classroom swung open, and Baal nearly shot through the ceiling. Striding in, however, was none other than his employer. The vampire looked over the classroom. "There's no seats," he observed casually. "Then again you're not here to teach academics." With that he found a cozy spot on the sparring mat Baal had taken great pains to find and took a seat. The overlord blinked at Valvatorez, his stare betraying his surprise. "I was the first to sign up for your class, Overlord Baal," he said with a winning smirk. "It would be a great transgression to not see the lord of terror's techniques in a learning environment."

Baal scratched his cheek. He was expecting small-fry, people he never heard of. Not the guy who had a hand in his latest defeat-

"Outta the way!"

"Hey no shoving!"

Much to Baal's horror, many people started filtering into the room. Angels, demons, even humans had found a way into the classroom, and Baal recognized them all as old foes. He was glad he hid a spare Prinny suit under the desk. However, the greatest horror of them all climbed onto the Lord of Terror's desk, midway through stuffing his face with an ice cream sandwich and looking rather smug all the while. Baal couldn't help a snarl at the petulant thing that was now leaving crumbs all over his desk.

Laharl.

"Watch it. I'd hate to murder teacher on his first day," the young overlord said with a sharp-toothed grin that was caked in chocolate. "Of course if you still feel the need to act on some old grudges, feel free. I would love a rematch with my best enemy!"

Baal bit his lip, he was a teacher today, not Overlord Baal, enemy of Laharl. He gestured for the youth to take a seat with the gathering crowd, but the boy refused.

"I dunno, it's pretty comfortable up here," Laharl said, finding his fingernails more interesting than the Lord of Terror himself. "You gonna make me get down?" he asked, locking his eyes with Baal's, eager for a good scrap.

"Laharl! Stop teasing mister Baal already!" in came another the azure ogre recognized, one of Laharl's companions, Archangel Flonne.

Wait when did that happen?

Regardless of the hows or whys, the archangel snatched the boy's ear, yanking him off of Baal's desk. "I can't believe how unprofessional you can be! We're here to learn and already you're trying to start a fight!"

"But Flonne! He's the enemy!" Laharl protested, clutching his offended ear in agony. "I'm not about to buy he decided teaching was better than being the be all of overlords!"

Baal took a moment to pinch himself.

"Nobody cares what you think! You're a student like everyone else! Start acting like it!" with that Flonne turned her attention to Baal as Laharl bitterly retreated, utterly neutered by the angel. "Sorry about that mister Baal, I'll be sure to keep an eye on him. I know it's always hard on your first day, especially when you're on your own."

"He's not on his own!"

Baal's heart jumped for joy at the sound of a familiar voice. He looked to the entrance, and ushered in with God's light itself and the trumpets of angel and demon alike, was none other than Raspberyl herself. She beamed with confidence, and looked more than ready for her day. "Alright you all, take your seats!" she barked.

"Good luck mister Baal," Flonne said, placing a small bag on his desk before retreating to take a seat next to the offended Laharl. Baal's curiosity got the better of him, and he pulled the bag over, peeling it open and peeking inside. He was blasted with the scent of fresh brownies. Bless that girl's heart. He looked to where Flonne had taken a seat, she was currently chatting up Laharl. She said something to him, Baal was uncertain of what, but whatever it was immediately cheered Laharl up, his old bluster returning within seconds.

Baal wasn't ready for this.

"Welcome, aspiring tyrants, to the class that's going to make you all worthy of the title of overlord!" Raspberyl began, her voice strong enough to garner everyone's attention. She started pacing in front of Baal's desk as she ran the students through the goals of the class. "Baal's going to smash you into little pieces, and he's going to remake you stronger than ever! You know all those prinnies in the Land of Carnage? Picture that, but proportionate to how strong you are now! When we're done with you, you'll all have your own netherworlds!" the classroom was filled with cheers, and Baal took a moment to wipe a tear from his eye. He couldn't ask for a better assistant. "Pay attention, and you might just make it out alive! Screw up," she pointed to the nearby lava pit and a beautiful view of the heart of Hades, "there's the loser's circle." The demoness flashed a grin at Baal, motioning toward his students.

The Lord of Terror did so, rising from his seat and adjusting his bifocals. He couldn't see a damn thing, but he made them look good. He conjured his sword and kicked his desk aside, his dark aura flaring to life and kicking up a strong gust of bellowing wind.

"First order of business is sparring with the man himself! Try not to lose too hard!"

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I've had this idea in my head since I first beat Baal in Disgaea 4, and it was a treat to put it into words.

It was a bit of a challenge, what with Baal having no voice or sense of personality, so I rolled with the idea of making him an aloof giant with no sense of what he's doing. I think it worked out, because honestly we never see Baal doing anything particularly related to his legacy aside from waiting for some strong opponents to try scrapping with him. If that's not your thing, that's cool, I just couldn't resist taking Baal outside his element and putting him through his own share of silliness.

I hope you enjoyed my first foray into the Disgaea mythos, I already know what our next Bite will be! Until then, have a good one.


End file.
